He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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