dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
