It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize