I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
