Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
