A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
two words: eviction party
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize