you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
