It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
