I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
