he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
