I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
