I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
