Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
