Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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