I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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