Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
