This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
