.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
