Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
