she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
