I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
