Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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