1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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