Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
