I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
