i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
