Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize