It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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