Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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