so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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