i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
