is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
In America we eat man semen.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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