Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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