D3 body, D1 cock
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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