I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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