okay pat passed out under dana's car
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
