why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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