i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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