I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
