I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
