Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
