I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
