and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
