I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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