Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
