I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Someone signed my nipple.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
