I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
