I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
