just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize