dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
