This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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