the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
