now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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