come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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