I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
