I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In America we eat man semen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
