I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
