Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
