Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
