I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
