I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
