that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
