i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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