member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
