bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
