I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
