we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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