Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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