I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
