dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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