That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
